Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
