i don't like sucking hair
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
