God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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