Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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