smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
