i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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