It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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