Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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