I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
