who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize