Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
