Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
