I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
