so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
