tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
