no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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