I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
