I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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