cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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