Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
