Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize