Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
