tonight lets celebrate not being married
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
