i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
