you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
