So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
