it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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