I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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