So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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