So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize