I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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