playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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