Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
