im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
