I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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