Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dear god my vagina.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
