i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pants are for mortals
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
