Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
