Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
