go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
