Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
