Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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