Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
