smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
