I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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