You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
