When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
