That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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