Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
