Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
