Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
