mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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