I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
