I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
