Kiss
Puke
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
