GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
