sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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