i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
