Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's like iHOP with fire
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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