Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
