Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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