Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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