if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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