Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
