one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
