Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
