You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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