theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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