well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
someone owes me an orgasm
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
