i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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