I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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