If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
