i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
