Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
His nipple licking is glorious
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