For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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