so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
