i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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