just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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