On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm at about main and main street
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
