I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
