just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
