i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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