I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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