You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
