I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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