Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
