I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
