Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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